Human Wasteland

You and your decency are like old friends who never talk anymore. Your party never stops. Waysted Youth is something I hope you will grow to regret. As your head spins, the sweet you swallowed is coming back sour. Your gyroscope they call balance is about to collapse.

The party is the same old crowd. Beer stained couches line the walls of the dingy smelling house. Andrew WK is heard in the background bringing the party tunes to white suburbanites who think they have turned into adults. This time it was BYOB, so people are hording their cache of alcohol like it’s the end of the world. The night comes to a climax, when the communal alcohol level is above normal, only to come to a crashing halt with the first fight, or multiple vomiting fits.

I always end up covering you with the scratchy sheets in the small odd shaped bed in the house you always seem to find yourself. You’ll probably wake up screaming, for liquor or maybe this time out of sheer fright. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be here. You drag me, convincing me it will be different. This time I come out of fear.

You and your decency are like old friends who never talk anymore, you throw him into the wind the minute your lips hit the bottle, burning with the new taste of something I will never know. My frustration is like teaching an old dog new tricks, it has been overcome by apathy. For the ideas of sobriety I wish to convey fall on deaf ears. If Waysted is how you wish to spend your days, consider me your decency.

You can treat me like an old friend who wishes to hear the same voice, wishes to see the same best friend, but only sees a drunk trying to keep up with appearances for solely the sake of appearances. I only hope these newfound wasteland dwellers, or “friends” will help you up when the gyroscope begins to fail again.

Ode to Heavy...

Thus Spake the Night Spirit.

1983, L.A. strip

Hair as far as the eye can see,

Fights break out over who looks the best.

Fights over who rocks harder.

Stockholm, Sweden; a new generation

of troubled teens start brewing powerful remedies

to their troubled lives.

Dark, frightening, and powerful.

You are the bane of parents existence,

lifeblood of children without comrades.

You are the sound that sends chills

down the listeners spine. You are the fuel

that keeps me going, without you my hate

would overwhelm me.

The outlet you provide has saved

more than one innocent life.

You are truly an idea to behold.

Heavy, like darkness befalling a small village.

This darkness is never ending energy

powering the minds of those who choose to listen.

Metal, the many greats you have produced,

Ozzy, Maiden, Priest.

We owe a debt to you.

Heavy Metal.

Hallowed Be Thy Name

To you we owe the thunderous riffing,

and pounding rhythms.

Crowds lurch to your primal rhythm.

The pulse is deafening,

as the speakers are filled with our hate through you.

You shape impressions on a blank slate.

You are received by young and restless minds,

with cheers and affection.

Reciprocated through admiration and imitation.

Creators are idolized.

It’s why we keep on rocking,

Like its 1983.

Hormones, Make-up and Beer.

One more day one more show. The familiar sound of the tuning guitar, and check, check, check in the microphone,
the lights dim in the dirty club, the copycat opener is underway.

Every show it seems I get more jaded and my soul aches for the end.
Beer glasses clank at the bar, as even they understand my hate,
but they choose to escape it through the frothy gold of the tap.

Every concert my misanthropic side begins to show a little more.

Understanding and accepting my hatred and despair for this species called humanity is what keeps me afloat;
everyday I seem to drown in the sea of false smiles and meaningless conversations.

My mind stresses.

Not from overstimulation, but from the lack of anything intelligent within this cesspool of hormones, makeup and beer.

The idea that anyone within our scene or any scene has had anything resembling intelligent to say makes me chuckle.

Even the heartfelt passions of these bands I know will die within a year.

Passion is unattainable for long periods.
It’s the curse of being human.

A conversation struck with a bright eyed lad about the band on my t-shirt distracts me from this dreary thought process, the idea that advertising for a band other than your own is something that still blows my mind.

The bands play.

Another bands tic mark on my endless tally sheet that to me means nothing anymore, but to others has given me legendary status.

"You’ve seen them how many times?"
My answer usually even startles me.

My world filled with endless rants on why this band is better than the next, who started what first, and when I had seen them back in the day.

It doesn’t matter.
It never will.

I had hoped for a long while that it would, but the day has come when I truly know it doesn’t
and never will.

The bands I think are the only people more jaded and hate-filled than me. The endless routine that was once glorious and awe-inspiring now so gloom, and depressing.

I share their pain.

But for me it happens in the same town week-in and out. The idea that they might have something new in the town they travel to next is surely what keeps them afloat.

I envy them slightly.

The capability that they have to travel to another cesspool of hormones, make-up, and beer must make their toil and misery better in the slightest bit. Spreading across the nation, their ideas and passions can at least find a new venue and outlet each night, especially if it wasn’t understood the night before.

Onward they travel like Viking warriors
trying to find new and exciting battles in new cities that they haven’t ravaged already, always in a quest to get back.

As I leave with other cynics and outcasts, I do have a little joy, the joy that the endless repetition will always be here, and if I leave, it will always welcome me back.

The small dirty club nestled in the heart of a ghetto whose doors were always warm, welcoming, and never judging of all who entered.


Austin Death
PS: This was I poetic prose piece I wrote for my creative writing class. Let me know what you think.

Misanthropy Pure

Misanthropy- noun: hatred, dislike, or distrust of humankind.

I hate humanity.

This perfectly describes the last few months of my life. Humanity is so depraved in its mindset, that I can't get away from these terrible feelings of hatred I feel towards them.

I have no Love.

If I hate humanity and the depraved nature of fallen man so much, and I am imperfect in nature just like everyone else, how does God love us still?

Let me repeate: I hate Humanity.

Every minute of every day I am told to look out for myself, care for myself, get ahead for myself, and the minute I start doing that I feel absolutely terrible. The minute my own wants and needs come above others I know I am not loving at all. How can one be selfish and love at the same time?

You can't!

I hate, yes I abhor, humanity in its selfish deprived nature. I do my best to be selfless, always doing my best to be nice, polite, serving others, and it gets you stepped on and crushed, spiritually and mentally. I am sick of meeting so many fake people and hearing of their ideas about what God wants for them, or what they think God is.

God already is.

Your opinion of him if won't change the fact that you are a sinner and need his grace more than you could ever possibly imagine. Without grace I am terrified of what I am as a human. Horrible, Hate-Filled, Loathsome, Un-loving, Disgusting, Unworthy.

I don't deserve grace.

Humanity doesn't deserve grace, and if you think you don't need it, you need to be thrown from you high horse you pharisee.

I can't even express in words how thankful I am for Jesus, the Cross, and God's Unhuman, Miraculus, Perfect, Generous, Complete Love.

I still hate Humanity.

But hopefully through grace, and love, I will someday Be able to not hate it nearly as much as I do now.

Good day,
Austin Death.

Nailed.Dead.Risen.

So lately a musical connundrum has been brewing in my head.

WhiteChapel vs. Impending Doom

This is an interesting battle... It goes kinda with my earlier posts about death metal music, and why I love it.

So anyways, I have been thinking about how people can get so mad at me for listening to such "death" inspired music, and I thought I would show everyone a great comparison. Lately I have been comparing the bands Impending Doom, and Whitechapel. Two very similar "deathcore" bands, that to the untrained ear may sound like the exact same band, with few differences. This is the Connundrum:

Impending Doom has some of the most amazing positive and spiritually heartfelt lyrics I have read in a while, that talk about Christ and his love for us. This is simply brilliant, cause this is what they sound like:
www.myspace.com/impending

On the other hand you have Whitechapel. These dudes make some killer tunes, and basically the same with their lyrics... Very death/gore inspired, and they are pretty much ridiculus. They are very hate filled, and are just plain goofy when it comes down to their lyrics in my opinion.
www.myspace.com/whitechapelmetal

So the next time you jump to conclusions about someones music from hearing it, just realize that not all music is death inspired if it sounds like it. Some of my favorite bands of all time you couldn't distinguish from secular bands at first listen.

Hope you enjoy,
Austin Death.

Its A Kind Of Magic...

When I can go in to the DMV after just waking up, and being able to pass both the written and Driving portions of the Drivers license test. Brilliant!!

Backstory: So if you live in Denver and you are 18+ and get in 2 accidents in 3 yrs, you have to go get your license re-evaluated within the time period.

So yesterday I had to go and rock the written test... And today I rocked the driving test... Without even studying...

It was pretty awesome. Its weird how intimidating everyone at the DMV is when your 15.

But 5 years later they all were really nice and social...

I guess I am just getting old.

Oh well, Life is nice.

Later,
Austin Death.

PS. Listen to Coldworker, and Cult of Luna... Genius.

Deliver Us...

From false teachings...

That is what the American church needs to pray for...

Seriously...

Romans 8 is seemingly taken out of context every time I hear it preached...

Mostly Romans 8:37

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

This more than Conquerors verse is said so often in positive mental inspirational sermons to the masses now lets look at the whole context. I believe the verse changes a little when you see the bigger picture.

Lets look at the whole paragraph Paul writes to get the full context: Romans 8:28-39(I have highlighted what I believe are a few key words)

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It looks to me as if Paul is saying alot, not just that we can be more than conquerors because God is on our side... This is one of those paragraphs that as I have re-read over and over it helps me to see God more like he actually is rather than what the church paints him to be.

I do agree that Romans 8:37 is an inspirational verse, but the rest of the chapter should be read to get the whole context of the verse in particular...

I just want people to start reading their Bibles more when people are teaching from the pulpit, because if you don't get the entire context of the verse, then you are missing the point of it. Its just hard for me to listen to these feel good sermons nowadays with select cliche verses that are sculpted and shaped to the way people want their sermons to go... I just want people to start reading and comprehending what Paul meant when he said stuff like this.

I feel like this is a mouthfull, but hopefully you will read it, and understand it a little more.

Thanks for reading,
Comments and discussion is encouraged.

Austin Death.